you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
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Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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