I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize