Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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