THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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