Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
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FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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