Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize