you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize