The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize