I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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