And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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