How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize