Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
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Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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