pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize