I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize