That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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