Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize