Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The power of my boobs compel you
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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