your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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