I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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