Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
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You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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