im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm experimenting with sincerity
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize