he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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