I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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