theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
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Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
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Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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