between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Are we still banned from the library?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize