i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
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Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
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I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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