you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
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There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
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Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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