My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
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I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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