Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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