I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
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Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
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I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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