It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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