I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
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it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
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This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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