Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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