omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize