Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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