I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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