Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
There are leaves in my underwear?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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