How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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