I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
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He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
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he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize