so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize