sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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