I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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