Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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