At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize