New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize