community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
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Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
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I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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