I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize