Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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