i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
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She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
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His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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