the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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